Awww...

that Zak McFlimby, he's a wonder, he is.



© Zak McFlimby, 2004.

See more lovely things by Zak

_{(I hope he doesn't mind)}

Luckiness defined

God bless SD, the queen of making me laugh till I cry, for describing herself thus:
"as lucky as Lord Fortunate, who graduated with a 1st Class Honours Degree in
Serendipity from the University of Providence on St. Jammy Git's Day."

Californication :: no gays, no corpses ... *in that order*

So, we were in the kitchen making "cwaffee" and having a xenophobic discussion (drenched in irony, but with a kernel of sincerity at the bottom -- *some* Americans *can* be annoyingly introspective from time to time, no?).

Becks came in to tell us that Arnold Schwarzenegger had outlawed necrophilia in California -- ah well, said I, that's all right then, I take back everything I've ever said about annoying, ignorant Americans, they're obviously addressing the root problem so everything's OK.

Addressing it from the ground up, said Becks. Or from six feet under the ground, she continued to much guffawing.

We went on to recall that top of Arnie's to-do list when he *became* governor was to re-outlaw gay marriages. Which we thought was a great shame, and wondered why he would do such a thing (other than to fawn to America's frightening far right). Could he, we wondered, be nervous that a member of his reportedly large gay following would sidle up and marry him without so much as a by-your-leave? Best outlaw the whole business just in case.

Und now that I have, thought Arnie, scratching his head absent-mindedly, is there anything else I was going to sort out? -Uh, doing it with dead people is kind of a hot potato, Governor. Ach, ja. Make illegal also.

Arnold Schwarzenegger :: a man more repulsed by gay marriage than by necrophilia?

A new one for the Stretford End

I feel an urge to take a wander up Bolton way this weekend to try it out: in a sea of grown men, every one of them a stranger, I would stand up proudly and holler loudly ...

Me: A Wop Bop A Loo Lop
Strange men (hesitantly): A Lop Bam Boo?
Me (encouragingly): Tutti Frutti! Wayne Rooney!
Men (with wonder at my genius): Tutti frutti! Wayne Rooney!
All (increasingly rhythmically; *with feeling*): Tutti frutti! Wayne Rooney! Tutti frutti! Wayne Rooney! A Wop Bop A Loo Lop A Lop Bam Boo!

Imagine being the *creator* of a brilliant, new, widely-adopted terrace anthem. Wow.

Unfortunately for me that honour would go to Dave Sant for actually coming up with the idea. But I think I'd probably still get some points for picking it up and running with it? (yes, I know, wrong ball game).

Unexpected product hybrids ... #2

this was the first one...

"Officers admit they are at a loss to know who built or used one of Paris's most intriguing recent discoveries."

This is the story of an underground cinema recently discovered in part of the enormous tunnel—cave network under Paris.

Since the web article is likely to disappear (or effectively disappear behind access control)¹ here are some of the highlights which intrigued me:

Police in Paris have discovered a fully equipped cinema-cum-restaurant in a large and previously uncharted cavern underneath the capital's chic 16th arrondissement.
Officers admit they are at a loss to know who built or used one of Paris's most intriguing recent discoveries.

"We have no idea whatsoever," a police spokesman said.

"There were two swastikas painted on the ceiling, but also celtic crosses and several stars of David, so we don't think it's extremists. Some sect or secret society, maybe. There are any number of possibilities."


The police were on a training exercise and came across the carefully-guarded entrance to the cinema. The projection and bar equipment, along with the functioning electricity supply, phone lines and cous-cous steamer², would suggest that the site was far from abandoned.

Three days later, when the police returned accompanied by experts from the French electricity board to see where the power was coming from, the phone and electricity lines had been cut and a note was lying in the middle of the floor: "Do not," it said, "try to find us."

...

Patrick Alk, a photographer who has published a book on the urban underground exploration movement and claims to be close to the group, told RTL radio the cavern's discovery was "a shame, but not the end of the world". There were "a dozen more where that one came from," he said.

"You guys have no idea what's down there."

Ooooh.

¹ You know, there are whole companies making a living out of that sort of malarkey -- making money out of crosswords and archival newspaper content. I ask you ...
² All French cinemas are required to make cous-cous preparation facilities available to all customers.

mephators ... #2

Beggars can't be thicker than water



Sure they can't. Winners every time.

mephators ... #1

meph·a·tor
n.
1. A mixed metaphor, as in

A Rolling Stone spoils the broth

I've discovered I have an ancestral seat

My mother tells me I've inherited my grandmother's arse.

Only in North Oxford ... #2

...does the complaints book in the Co-Op include this mortifyingly bourgeois entry:

"No courgettes!
No aubergines!
No chickpeas!
This is unacceptable"

My heart bleeds. Fortunately, *staple* foods are still in plentiful supply -- along with ridiculous quantities of organic pulses -- so I *think* we're going to survive the winter.